


all of the stars

by LuciferCaelestis



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Hurt Keith (Voltron), Hurt/Comfort, Keith Mini Bang 2017, M/M, POV Keith (Voltron), POV Shiro (Voltron), Protective Shiro (Voltron), Whump, basically me asking how many times i can hurt keith in one fic, starring keith's canonical fervent desire to protect shiro
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-25
Updated: 2018-07-25
Packaged: 2019-06-15 22:28:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,562
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15423003
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LuciferCaelestis/pseuds/LuciferCaelestis
Summary: “Prove your honour by taking our Trials. Should you succeed, you will have proven your honour and we will join you as allies, and provide you with any materials you need for your battle. Should you fail, then you will be executed for treason.”He was speaking before he even had time to think about it.“I’ll do it.”~With everyone still reeling from the reveal of Keith’s heritage, an impromptu trip to Cetra to gather materials is more than a welcome distraction.But things never go as planned of course and Keith must prove his worth to the Cetra. Both for his team, and for Shiro.





	all of the stars

**Author's Note:**

> this is my fic for the keith mini bang, what a long journey it's been
> 
> thank you so much to ajhebard (my artist!!!) for your wonderful art and your patience and MiidiocreShards for beta'ing and dealing with my screaming
> 
> edit: links to the amazing [art](http://ajhebard.tumblr.com/post/176282873900/for-the-keithminibang) by my artist!!!

The trip to Cetra should have been a simple, diplomatic mission.

When Slav had wrung his hands–all eight of them– about not having enough mithrilan for the teludav, Coran and Allura had jumped on the chance to visit the planet it came from.

Allura remembered the Cetra as an honourable people, describing them as eager to help and fight for justice. 

“The Cetra have been allies of Altea for decaphoebs. Their people shared an instinctive ability to connect with what we know as quintessence,” she explained. “They also supplied the materials for our teludavs, se we’ve always had an amiable relationship.”

Surely they would be more than happy to face Zarkon and bring him down, once and for all.

Even without her seal of approval, the team would have welcomed a break. The past few weeks, they had been hard at work, collecting the materials needed to build the massive teludav, while saving whoever needed saving.

Keith was especially looking forward to it. Thing had been tense, to say the least, since his Galra heritage was revealed.

He was grateful that Shiro accepted him wholeheartedly but the rest of the team had yet to warm up to it. 

They would come around eventually, Shiro assured. Until then, all Keith could do was endure Pidge’s questions and Lance’s mocking. He’d spent most of his time hiding out on the training deck when they weren’t on missions, hoping that it would help.

But for Allura, no matter what he did, she only seemed to drift further and further away.

He stayed out of her way as they boarded the lions, trying to brush off her cold glare. It almost made him wish that she had ignored him instead. He didn’t contribute much to the conversation going on between the team as they traveled to Cetra, preferring to stay silent.

They landed on the planet with minimal problems, lions kicking up dust in front of the castle. The Cetra delegation were waiting for them by the door.

The group parted, allowing a lone figure to stand at the head. 

"Greetings, Princess Allura. I am Ifalna, Queen of Cetra and it is an honest pleasure to see that you are alive and well. My ancestors were deeply saddened to hear that of the destruction of our friends, the Alteans, and wished we could have fought beside you."   
  
"Your Excellency, I bear your people no ill will. Had you fought beside us, it is likely you would have perished as well. By my side is Coran, my advisor, and the Paladins of Voltron. Thank you, for extending your hospitality towards us. "   
  
"So the rumours are true," she breathed. "Voltron truly has returned."   
  
"Yes. We've been fighting against Zarkon, hoping to bring back peace to the universe."   
  
“I believe you, princess. Zarkon’s reign has lasted for too long, indeed.” A dark look crossed her face, but it cleared as quickly as it came. “The Cetra would be honoured to join you in your quest. But first, let us enjoy a meal with our new friends."   


They were lead to the dining hall and at the queen’s table, staring with wide eyes at the feast prepared for them.

The conversation flowed smoothly at first, with Keith managing to evade difficult questions. But of course, the topic of the Galra had to come up at some point.

“We can only ever expect the Galra to be cruel. It’s practically in their blood,” he heard an official remark.

Keith stiffened in his seat before making an effort to relax. 

“The Galra are a plague upon the universe. They have no honour, no mercy and deserve none in return,” the queen said coldly.

He’d had some unfavourable thoughts about the Galra too, especially after learning more about what they’d done to Shiro. But as more comments left the queen’s lips disparaging the Galra, he began to feel somewhat uncomfortable. 

No matter his feelings towards Zarkon and his ilk, the Blade of Marmora had proven that not all Galra were dishonorable, cruel tyrants. 

He didn’t think of much of it when a colourfully dressed Cetra asked to speak with the queen.

He did notice the sound of her chair scraping back, a cold look on her face as she started to address them.

"Princess Allura. I regret to ask this of you, but were you aware that your Black Paladin has strong ties to the Galra?"

"I beg your pardon?"

"We would not have known, had one of my advisors not recognized him. I remember the viewings… The Champion, so small and unassuming, but undefeated in the ring. So much that they even seeked to improve him by gifting him with their own technology.”

Keith hated the look on Shiro's face. How resigned he looked, knowing that the things he'd done while he'd been captured would keep haunting him. 

“He never refused a fight and he never lost. Isn’t that right,  _ Champion _ ?”

Shiro flinched at the title.

“How many have you killed, Champion? And how many of those were innocent?”

The words from the Cetra queen’s mouth were phrased as questions, but Keith knew what they really were: attacks.

“Enough! Shiro doesn’t deserve this. Shiro was a  _ prisoner _ of the Galra. He did what he had to do to survive.” 

It made him utterly furious that someone would dare target Shiro’s weak spots like that. He didn’t know much about Shiro’s time in captivity but he knew enough to know that Shiro still carried deep scars from that time, both physical and mental.

“Prisoner though he may have been, it does not change that the Galra mindset has clearly infected you. Victory or death, that is the Galra way, is it not? You've clearly shown that, haven’t you, Champion?”

Their contempt for the Galra was understandable. The Galra had done horrendous things on their road to conquer the entire universe and it was hard to imagine any of them being trustworthy after all that. He’d felt the same way at first, and his horror and dread at suspecting his connection to the Galra had overwhelmed him at times. 

But then he’d met Ulaz, and learnt of the Blade of Marmora, and was introduced to the idea that some Galra were good, that they weren’t all complicit in conquering and enslaving other worlds, that they worked against the empire to fight for freedom. 

He stood up and slammed his palms on the table.

“Shiro was a prisoner. No matter what he did then, it doesn’t change the fact that he’s not Galra.” He paused, his voice growing quieter, “Not like me.”

He could feel the team’s eyes on him, shocked at his outburst, but he kept his focus on her.

She looked at him closely then, and her eyes narrowed before she glared at them both.

“A gladiator and a Galra as Paladins. The lions' standards must have fallen far, Princess. You cannot trust them.”

“We have Galra allies as well,” Keith protested. “People who’ve infiltrated the highest and lowest ranks of Zarkon’s court, spread throughout the empire. They've existed for decaphoebs, spying on Zarkon and fighting against him when they can. Doesn't that prove that Galra can be trusted?” 

She dismissed him with a wave. “If they've existed for so long, why have they not dealt with Zarkon before? As I’ve said before, you cannot trust the Galra. And as long as I cannot trust you, I can never allow my people to ally with you.”

“Then what can we do to prove ourselves worthy of your trust?” Allura asked, her voice high with worry.

The queen paused, looking thoughtful.

“Prove your honour by taking our Trials. Should you succeed, you will have proven your honour and we will join you as allies, and provide you with any materials you need for your battle. Should you fail, then you will be executed for treason.”

He was speaking before he even had time to think about it.

“I’ll do it.”

“What?” Shiro said. “Keith, no!”

Keith was unmoved. “Better me than you. I’m Galra, so I should take responsibility for this.”

“Allura,” Shiro turned to her furiously. “You can’t seriously be allowing this?”

“We need allies, Shiro. And the Cetra are powerful allies,” she replied, even if she was beginning to look hesitant. “The mithrilan is necessary for our final plan against Zarkon.”

She trusted Keith less than she did them apparently. That, or she wanted to trust them, clinging to a reminder of her past that was still there, unlike Altea.

Shiro turned to Keith. "Keith...you don't have to do this. We can just leave, we don't need them."

Even as he said it, Keith could see the frustration on Shiro’s face. They both knew that an alliance with the Cetra was necessary.   
  
"Yes, I do."   
  
Shiro made to protest but Keith held up his hand. "I have to do this, Shiro. Trust me.”   
  


“It doesn’t have to be you,” the queen interrupted. “It could just as easily be the Champion. Either one of you would prove your point.”

“Keith…” Shiro pleaded.  _ Let me do this for you _ , his eyes said.

But Keith already knew his answer. If he could spare Shiro from this by doing it himself, he’d do it, no questions asked. “No. It should be me.”

"You would do that? You would undergo these trials, knowing nothing of them, just to spare him? Why would you do that? He is a monster, and so are you," she hissed at Keith.

He saw Shiro curl up inside a little more at the remark.

"I'm sorry about what they did to your planet, I really am, but Shiro doesn't deserve this. If there's anyone you should be blaming, it's Zarkon for putting you both in this position."

An advisor cleared his throat, looking uncomfortable. "Your Excellency, if he offers to go through the trials for the Champion, we are honour bound to accept it. It is the law."

"Fine," she said through gritted teeth. "I have no choice but to allow this. This is your final chance to back out, paladin. Make the right choice and allow the Champion to fight his own battles."

Keith returned her glare with a determined look. "I'll do whatever it takes if it means Shiro doesn't have to."

"The Galra I know would never have submitted to another planet's Law. You would submit to our judgement?" 

Every pair of eyes in the hall was fixed on him as they waited for his reaction.

Keith and Shiro looked at each other for a moment. Keith tried to convey how much he needed to do this, and Shiro– Shiro relented, because he understood Keith even when no one else did. Even when he disagreed, he supported Keith because he trusted Keith and his abilities.

Shiro placed a hand on his shoulder as support. 

“Whatever it takes.”

She nodded grudgingly at him. “Then the trials will commence tomorrow. Maybe you will change my mind, Galra, but I doubt it.”

“I will.”

  


******

  


The arena they lead him to the next day towered over him. The seats could have filled thousands of spectators, but the atmosphere of the empty arena was already imposing. He couldn’t imagine how Shiro had felt when he’d been forced to fight in front of so many.

At least he wouldn’t be forced to fight in this one. Keith had done one thing right.

The colourfully clad alien from the day before was on the platform with the rest of his team and the queen. They would be the only spectators to his trial.

The alien official walked to the front. “You are allowed your weapons and your armour, nothing more. You may at any point choose to surrender. Should you concede, lose consciousness or surrender, you will be considered to have failed the trial. Win, and you will have succeeded in passing the trial and shall proceed to the next trial. Understood?"

“I understand.”

He got into a ready stance, prepared to activate his bayard as soon as the match was called. His hand moved to his right shoulder, carefully prodding the still aching wound from the Trials of Marmora.

The first alien entered the arena with dull heavy steps. He was long past assuming anything about alien life after all his experiences, but he still couldn’t stop himself from tensing at the sight of his opponent.

The alien lunged forward. Keith ducked, activating his bayard and bringing it up towards the alien’s hands.

His sword managed to nick the alien and it roared. Keith could feel the ground tremor beneath his feet.

The alien swung its fists. Keith managed to dodge by a hair, only for the next punch to ram into him like a truck.

His armour had protected him from the worst of it, but a few more hits and he’d go down like a ton of bricks.

Keith continued to dodge, trying to find an opening.

Brute strength wouldn’t work against this opponent. He went over strategies in his head.

It was faster than it looked, but he was definitely faster. He just needed to not get hit, and– remembering Shiro’s advice– to use its mass against it.

He scanned the area around them. There were columns around them, some of them cracked by the alien’s hits.

If he could time it just right… He would need momentum to throw the alien to the ground and knock him unconscious.

He ducked another blow, feeling the wind disturb his hair.

He’d have to time it just right.

Keith ran towards the wall, listening closely to make sure the alien was following him. 

He scaled the wall, barely missing the alien’s blow. Once he reached a greater height, he used the momentum to turn and throw himself onto the alien. 

The force of it knocked them both to the ground.

When his opponent didn’t stir, he checked it’s breathing. It was unconscious.

While they brought his opponent out of the ring, he took the time to examine his body for any injuries. Beneath the armour, his body was covered in bruises. He would be sore for days afterwards.

But there was no time to rest.

Keith faced opponent after opponent, ducking and weaving and dodging and hitting, letting his instincts lead him. There was no time to think, only an endless wave of opponents, and pain.

A lucky shot from an alien’s mace-like weapon left his armour cracked.

A mistake on his part led to a sprained ankle that was only going to get worse as he fought.

Another miscalculation had seen him electrocuted before he managed to kick his opponent off him.

By the time his last match came around, he could barely stand on his feet. The pain was a dozen small sensations all over his body, but he ignored it.

There was still one more round to go.

The final round appeared to be him versus multiple combatants, all of them gunning for him at the same time.

He kept his back to the wall, watching warily for someone to make the first move.

An impatient alien jumped him at his first movement, then everyone else jumped into the fray. 

Keith could hardly think in between movements, too concerned with dodging or taking advantage of whatever opening they gave him.

Amidst the chaos, he had lost his helmet and was forced to fight without it. Now, there were several little nicks all over his face and thin bleeding line over his cheek that he hoped wouldn’t scar.

At some point, he was surrounded on every side. His bayard was kicked from his hands, halfway across the arena. 

As a last resort, he withdrew his Marmora blade for the first time since the Trials of Marmora. 

He feels a flash of gratitude for the time he spent on the training deck avoiding the others.

The non-stop battle has him exhausted, and he was slower to react now. He had to finish this match fast or he wouldn’t be able to finish it at all.

Keith resorted to the dirtiest tricks he had, flinging dirt in eyes, tripping and shoving, anything he had to do to make it to the end.

He systematically took out all his opponents, sometimes targeting two at a time.

His last opponent was smart, and deadly. He’d just barely missed their claws several times since the fight began, and he suspected those claws were poisonous too. One hit and it would be over.

Keith took advantage of the only opening he had. He raised both his arms, leaving his stomach unprotected, and hit the alien with the butt of his sword.

The alien fell to the ground with a loud thunk, echoing with a certain finality.

He panted for a moment before turning his head to check for any more enemies.

At the sound of complete and utter silence, he stopped.

The bodies of his opponents were lying on the ground around him, unconscious. There was no one left for him to fight.

He’d… won.

He’d passed the trial. He hadn’t surrendered or given in, he’d  _ won _ .

His body sagged with relief. It was over.

Except… when he put a hand to his stomach, his fingers came away dark with blood.

That– that wasn’t good.

With the adrenaline fading, his next few steps were shaky. He stumbled forward before he finally fell to the ground.

He’d won, right? That meant he could rest. He could barely keep his eyes open anymore, his sight fading in and out.

Keith closed his eyes.

The last thing he heard was the steady thump of boots on the ground getting closer towards him.

  


******

  


Shiro’s hands tightened on the railings every time he saw Keith get hit.

No matter how much he wanted to, he couldn’t just get up and call it off. So that Keith wouldn't be alone by the end of it.

He had a sinking feeling that he was part of the reason Keith had taken on the trials himself, so it was the least he could do.

When Keith stood victorious over his last opponent, Shiro tried to ignore the parallels he could see between Keith and himself, but the similarities kept creeping into his mind.

Too many memories crowded his head, reminding him of that time he’d rather forget. He hated the Cetra even more for forcing Keith through this.

Shiro’s heart had jumped up his throat when he saw Keith’s wavering walk towards the viewing platform falter. He was worried when Keith’s hands went to his stomach, like he’d just registered a wound. When Keith’s hands had pulled away, he’d been alarmed to see that Keith's undersuit was dark with blood.

And when Keith fell, he didn’t wait for anyone to say anything, and just jumped down to the ring.

The others’ shouts rang in his ears as he ran towards Keith.

He’d only managed to reach Keith just in time to watch his eyes flutter closed as he fell into unconsciousness.

Gently, Shiro carried Keith to the platform, careful not to aggravate any other injuries he might have.

"Is he dead?" the queen asked coolly.

Shiro checked Keith over. His breathing was faint, but it was there. He knew that if he allowed her to keep pushing Keith though, it wouldn't stay that way much longer.

"No."

"Good. Then he can continue with the next trial."

"With all due  _ respect _ –” and it was clear how little respect he felt that was “–your excellency, he needs a healing pod."

“He has made a commitment to finishing the trials. Do you think your friend has so little honour that he would forsake that duty?”

“Where is the honour in this?” Shiro demanded. “You say you hate the Galra, but I’m beginning to think you’re more like them than you thought.”

"Do not push me,  _ champion _ . I've not forgotten that it was supposed to be you that undergoes these trials."

The queen looked over Keith, while Shiro stood, furious and wanting nothing more than to do something phenomenally stupid.

“I will allow your champion to be healed before the next trial.” She paused, before leaving. “I did not believe he had what it took to pass. But I must say… I’m hoping he will prove me wrong.”

Shiro blinked; that was unexpected. Then he froze, realizing what else she’d just said.

Did she just refer to Keith as his champion?  _ Shiro’s champion? _

He shook his head. He didn’t want to think about it at the moment. 

Right now, Keith needed a cryopod. 

He asked Coran to accompany them. The older man was strangely silent for a while before he seemed to recover his good mood. He bustled around preparing the pod, promising that ‘Number 4 will be fine, don’t you worry about it!’.

“Let me help,” Coran offered, stretching his arms out to take Keith.

Shiro refused, not wanting to let go of Keith for even a moment.

With Keith finally in the cryopod, healing, Shiro could let the tension gripping his body fade a little. He knew it wouldn’t disappear until Keith stepped out of the pod, alive and well.

He couldn’t help but feel that this was all his fault.

He should’ve been the one to take these trials. Keith had barely recovered the last time and it was his status as Champion– he flinched at the thought– that started this in the first place.

Now Keith was badly injured, one trial down with two more to go. Watching Keith during the trials of Marmora had been hard enough. This might be too much for Shiro.

When Keith had insisted on doing this, on taking on this burden, he’d protested. But Keith had fought him on it, asking Shiro to trust him. And he did.

He just wished it didn’t have to involve Keith being hurt and Shiro being forced to watch it happen.

Keith was his champion, indeed.

  


******

  


Keith was beginning to regret coming out of the pod at all.

When he opened his eyes, Shiro had been there, waiting for him. Keith had been in the pod for a few vargas, but there was enough time for a meal and some sleep before the next trial.

He hadn’t complained about the still healing injuries and bruises he could feel, simply nodding instead. He ate and later spent the next few hours in a fitful rest. He wished that Shiro was in the room with him like he knew Shiro had been while he’d still been in the pod.

Keith had come out of his room feeling like death, and certainly not ready to take any trial.

The queen hadn’t wasted any time however, and immediately led him to a special room.

She warned him to be prepared, before closing the door and leaving the room in total darkness.

Now, Keith was alone again, in the dark this time.

He blinked, surprised, wondering what he was supposed to do for this trial. It would be nice if he didn’t have to fight again... 

All of a sudden, a blinding light blanketed the room and he lost whatever train of thought he had.

Keith opened his eyes.

He was back in his childhood home again. Not the shack he lived in after the Garrison expelled him, but the one he vaguely remembered living in with his father once upon a time, before everything.

“Dad?” Keith choked on his question, feeling a sting at the back of his eyes.

“Hello, Keith.”

He got to his feet and spun around so fast he almost lost his balance.

His father looked how Keith had always remembered him. Short dark hair, a scar over his right eyebrow and that faint smile he had when he looked at Keith.

He reminded himself that it was just an illusion, that his father was dead and had been for years. Still, his heart ached like it had the first time he’d seen his dad in years, when he was taking the Trials of Marmora.

These trials really were messing with his head.

Before Keith could say anything, the curtains caught on fire.

Keith watched in horror as the fire spread, licking at the walls and growing.

It was just like that day, the worst day of his life.

The day his father died.

“Dad!” he yelled.

His father doesn’t move, and when Keith tried to do something, he found that his feet were stuck to the ground somehow, like they’d been nailed down.

To his horror, his father shook his head and said, “I should’ve known. It’s all your fault Keith.”

He’d considered it ironic that he’d been chosen as the paladin of the red lion, the guardian of fire, when all he remembers of fire is destruction, death and pain.

He tried to forget the smell of ash and rotten wood burning as the life he knew crumbled at his feet. The last glimpse of his father as their house went up in flames. How ironic that a firefighter would die in a fire, saving his son, but also condemning him, leaving him alone in the world.

The blaze continued to consume everything in its path. Soon, the room was on fire and so was Keith.

“Dad, please!”

He fell to his knees, choking. Feeling nothing but the scorching heat, until it hurt so much he felt numb.

Even though the fire had obscured his view, in between the ash and smoke, he could catch a glimpse of his father, in the exact same spot still looking at him.

“The fire didn’t kill me. You did.”

Keith’s heart stopped at those words, before it started to hurt physically as he choked on his tears.

A second later, the fire stopped and vanished, leaving the room in absolute darkness, the scent of smoke still heavy in the air.

His head snapped back up, swivelling from left to right to left in a panic, looking for light.

He wasn’t in pain anymore. The burns that had covered him were gone, like they’d never existed.

What should he do? What happened to his dad? Keith scrambled to his feet, trying to make out the shapes in the dark, when a dim light shone in front of him. 

It was just enough to show a single grave.

He felt like a child again, mourning the loss of the only person he had in the world. It wasn’t like he had his mother after that. She’d left him, way before he could even remember her.

At least for his father, he’d had a grave. All his mother had left him was the mark of her absence, a knife and an empty promise to the sky.

He was alone now, still feeling like a child while he sat on the swings like he used to. Back when he had nowhere to go and no one who wanted him.

He could hear pieces of conversation coming from somewhere. Talking about him.

_ “No one will want him.”  _

_ “He just isn’t right for us.”  _

_ “Why can’t he be normal?” _

_ “What’s wrong with him?” _

_ “He doesn’t belong here!” _

The pain he felt at those memories reminded him of how tense things had gotten between him and his team, and he was on the floor again, curled up, hands over his ears like a child who didn’t want to hear something they didn’t like.

Hunk’s cautious stares, even before learning that he was Galra. 

_ “Keith, that’s cold, even for you.” _

Pidge’s frosty looks, ‘ _ I need to find my family! _ ’ she said as she dismissed him, like there was no way someone like him could ever understand.

Lance’s remarks, stinging like so many other insults he’s heard over the years no matter how many times it’s happened.

_ ‘Drop-out.’  _

_ ‘Selfish.’ _

Allura’s cold glares and outright avoidance. 

_ “How could you betray me like this? I trusted you!” _

Keith flinched as the memories began to overwhelm him.

He’d rather have done the first trial over and over again instead of this trial. Being beaten down for hours on end was so much easier compared to this kind of mental torment.

When the voices stopped, he gradually uncurled and picked himself up from the floor. Maybe it was over. 

Shiro walked into the room.

Keith straightened, heartbeat calming for the first time since the trial began.

Seeing Shiro was a balm to his soul. Shiro had always been there for him, had always supported him, Even after Keith had found out he was Galra, Shiro had still accepted him without any hesitation.

“Is it over? Did I pass?”

He didn’t answer and Keith faltered. Shiro looked…  _ disappointed.  _

“Shiro?”

“Keith,” Shiro said, but there was something lacking from his voice. Warmth. Shiro always spoke to him warmly, like he cared… and right now, it sounded like he didn’t.

“Shiro,” he repeated, wanting to apologize for disappointing him somehow. He wanted to assure Shiro that whatever he’d done wrong, he’d never do it again. So that Shiro would stop  _ looking _ at him like that, the way everyone else in his life had looked at him.

The disappointment on Shiro’s face deepened.

“Why do you have to keep doing this? Why do you have to be like this?

“I’ve tried so hard, done so much for you, but you still keep pushing. Why can’t you be better?”

_ Why can’t you be better? More obedient. Less reckless. Easier to handle. Kinder. Stronger.  _ **_Better_ ** _. _

“I’m sorry, Shiro. I’ll be better, I will, I promise. Just don’t–”

“Just don’t what? Leave? Too late. I’m done wasting my time on you. No wonder your parents left you. They probably couldn’t stand having such a worthless broken son like you.”

Shiro’s words brought back all those old hurts, from the cutting words he’d heard from people at the orphanage and various foster homes, to the thoughts he’d had himself when he’d been young and hopeless.

_ No, no, no, no, no. Not Shiro. Please. Not him too. _

Shiro left. Again.

And he was alone. Again.

He clenched his fists and closed his eyes, pressing his hands against his eyelids to stop himself from crying.

It wasn’t Shiro. Shiro would never say those things to him. Shiro was kind, and patient, and caring. It was just an illusion, like the one of his father.

Just an illusion.

But what if it wasn’t?

But what if he’d finally pushed Shiro too far? What if he hadn’t tried hard enough? Done too much for Shiro to ever excuse?

No. He had to believe that Shiro wouldn’t hurt him like that. He wouldn’t be able to live with himself otherwise.

When he opened his eyes, he was back in his childhood home. But instead of fire, the room was warmed by the light coming from the open window. 

He could hear the scratchy sound of the radio, tuned to one of his dad’s favourite stations. There was a soft golden glow shining on the room and his dad’s jacket was tossed over the arm of the chair like he’d just left it for a second. It felt like home.

_ Don’t you want this _ , a voice asked.  _ You can have this, if you just give in. _

It’s a lie. There’s nothing left for him here. It’s all gone. He knows that.

Another flash.

He’s in spaceship, with Shiro by his side. They’re co-pilots, ready to explore space together. 

It’s everything he’s ever dreamed of. It’s what Shiro promised would happen after he returned.

But Shiro didn’t come back. Mission failure.  _ Pilot error.  _ Punching Iverson so hard he damaged his eye. Being expelled and not caring because what was Garrison without Shiro anyway?

Another flash.

They’re still paladins, with a team standing behind them, a  _ family _ , but there’s no pain this time _.  _

Shiro comes back safely –hair still black and without any scars– he’s by Shiro’s side and they find the Blue Lion together. They find their team, who accept him, and love him, and he’s somewhere he  _ belongs. _

_ Just give in. Admit it. This is what you truly want. _

It was. It was… and it also wasn’t. It was  _ wrong _ .

Shiro was back now, changed, a shock of white bangs and a scar across his nose but still Shiro. He knows that. 

He would’ve given so much for it to have never happened, but only for Shiro’s sake. 

There was no changing the fact that it had happened, but he was so grateful just to have Shiro back that he doesn’t care if Shiro came back different. Just that he came back at all.

No matter what happened, there was no way he wouldn’t want Shiro.

His team was still his team. He couldn’t change how close they are now but he can work towards it. He can’t change himself to fit them either. 

If they were really his friends… they would accept him regardless.

Once, he might’ve done that, as a child when he was lonely and desperate for people to love him. But he knew better now.

His experiences had made him who he was. 

_ Give in, or be tormented by your fears and tempted by your desires for the rest of your life. _

“No.”

_ No? _

“These are my fears and desires, I control them, I will not let them control me.”

It asked, _ Would you change them then? Forget all of them, these fears and desires that haunt you so? _

“No.”

_ No? Why do you not give in, paladin? _

_ Son. Orphan. Lost boy. Paladin. Galra. _

“Because this is who I am.” 

With a flash, the illusion broke, and he was left in a dark empty room again.

  


******

  


The team was allowed to watch Keith go through this trial, alongside the Cetra queen. She explained that the viewing platform would allow them to see what Keith saw and hear everything he said.

It felt like a thorough breach in Keith’s privacy, given the fact that Keith guarded his mind and thoughts fiercely. However, Shiro could not say anything against the queen.

After the first figure appeared, he paled.

He’d heard enough from Keith to recognize his father, and he felt a surge of dread knowing what was going to happen next.

When there was suddenly fire, spreading on the screen in front of him, he was all too ready to jump into the fray and rescue Keith.

He was restricted by a warning hand on his shoulder. He glared at the queen and made to shake her hand off but she held it up in a motion to wait.

“Calm. He is in no true danger. This is all happening in his mind.”

He’d had to watch Keith suffer through this once already with the Blades. The Trials of Marmora had preyed on Keith’s greatest hopes and fears, but this one was taking it to a whole new level. 

It was distressing to watch him so vulnerable now.

With every cruel word Keith’s father hurled at Keith, Shiro’s heart broke. 

Was this something Keith had feared, long ago, after his dad died? That the fire that had killed him had been Keith’s fault, that his father would have blamed him for it, hated him even?

Watching a younger Keith alone in front of a grave was cutting, but watching him later alone on the swings, hearing countless remarks about his lack of worth was  _ devastating. _

He wanted to reach out and shield the younger Keith from this torment. No one deserved to be treated this way, least of all his best friend.

When those indistinguishable voices disappeared, only to be replaced by the voices of his teammates, he could only watch as Keith curled into himself even more. One look back at his teammates and he could see the horrified looks on their faces when they realized just how much they had hurt Keith. 

He’d almost relaxed when he didn’t hear his own voice, cutting into Keith like everyone else’s. At least until an actual image of him appeared on the screen in front of Keith, and his heart skipped a beat.

No, no, no.

He didn’t want to hurt Keith like this. Not again. 

With every word his counterpart said, the lead in his stomach grew bigger and bigger. 

How many more times was he going to be used against Keith? 

When his counterpart left Keith alone on the floor, looking far too close to tears, he wanted to destroy something. Anything to forget the look on Keith’s face as Shiro broke him down to pieces.

He was almost relieved when a light flashed and suddenly the view on the screen was of Keith’s childhood home again. But there was something different about it. 

It was happier, warmer, more like a home.

When the voice appeared, offering the image if Keith just gave in, Keith looked shaken by it. Tempted. And Shiro saw red.

They were using Keith’s fears and hopes against it, trying to trick him into failure. And when all was said and done, Keith wouldn’t have anything left anyway.

How could there be honour in anything like this?

The second image, him and Keith together, flying together the way they’d always dreamed of, that made his heart ache. 

He missed those days at the Garrison, where they’d planned and dreamed and flew, all of it together, for a future he couldn’t see anymore.

The one with the team, with him and Keith together, and he’s unscarred and unbroken… the sight of that cut deep into him.

He’d known that the person he was now was not the same person was before. But it’s never been so clear until now.

Did Keith still wish for that man back? A younger Shiro, still happy and innocent and unscarred?

For a second, he wished he could be that Shiro again, if only so Keith would be happy.

His thoughts was interrupted by a faceless voice as it began asking Keith a series of questions.

He was so very proud to hear Keith standing strong in the face of his hopes and fears. He knew many would have been tempted to give in, to give  _ up _ , but never Keith.

It was what made him Keith, and he never wanted that to change.

After the last question, there was a flash and the room faded into a natural darkness.

“He has passed this trial. The last trial will begin after the next sunrise,” the queen announced and left the viewing platform silently.

When Keith emerged from the illusion room, as he’d dubbed it, looking weary and shaken, Shiro sent a warning look at the team.

Shiro knew they would probably want to confront Keith about the things they'd just seen, but he also knew that Keith wouldn't be ready to face the storm.

They got the idea, only giving Keith a few congratulatory words before leaving Shiro alone with him.

He didn't even wait for the door to close before pulling Keith into a hug.

His heart sank when Keith stiffened in his arms, instead of relaxing like he usually did.

"That wasn't me. I would never treat you like that. Never hurt you like that," he said fiercely.

"I will never give up on you, Keith. That was my promise, remember?"

“Please believe me,” he begged.

Keith’s arms wound hesitantly around Shiro, before gripping him even closer. “I believe you.”

The relief he felt was overpowering.

“Good.” He smothered his tears, pressing his face to the side of Keith’s head, and let out a shaky laugh. "Feel free to kick my ass if I ever forget that."

When Keith began to tremble slightly in his arms, he didn’t say anything, merely holding onto Keith even tighter.

If Keith needed this right now, he would do his best to provide a safe space for Keith to turn to.

“I’m tired,” Keith confessed.

“Rest now. I’ve got you.”

  


******

  


After the experiences he'd gone through for the first two trials, the last thing Keith expected was to be dropped into a room containing only a single mirror.

They had said that when he had completed the trial, he would know. He'd fought the urge to throw something at them for the cryptic and unhelpful instructions.

He walked closer to the mirror, disturbed when he can see that something wasn’t quite right with his reflection.

There was something different about it. He couldn’t put his finger what exactly bothered him...

His reflection smiled, and the next thing he knew it was literally walking out of the mirror.

He backed away in horror, staring at his doppelganger with wide eyes.

“What are you?”

The doppelganger laughed, looking back at him with dark eyes.. “I am you! Just a you that didn’t bother to push down everything you felt.”

“What– What do you mean?”

“All the negativity, all the pain, the fear, the sorrow, and the rage… Let me tell you, we’ve felt a lot of that, all of that, is what made me.”

His reflection started to pace. Keith followed suit, not wanting to take his eyes off this– this thing.

“I figure humans are a lot like volcanoes. All those emotions have to go somewhere. And you pushed them down, buried them deep because you couldn’t deal with them.”

The reflection’s face grew darker.

“Too much of a coward to face your feelings. Every time someone hurt you, every time someone made you feel worthless, every time you wanted to rage at the world for doing this to you but didn’t, every negative moment you suppressed… that’s me.”

Keith took a step back, but his mirror image easily followed him.

“Even now you’re trying to run,” he said, shaking his head in disgust.

Understanding what his doppelganger was implying, Keith narrowed his eyes at the other. “I’m no coward,” he hissed.

His doppelganger’s eyes said only one thing. 

_ Prove it. _

And Keith wasn’t going to back down.

Something like satisfaction flashed in the reflection’s eyes. “Remember how much it hurt when Dad died? Because it felt like he left you like Mom did, even though you know it wasn’t his choice. And it hurts even more because he died saving you.”

Hearing his own voice voicing his private fears was a whole new kind of horrifying.

“Shut up!”

Smirking maliciously, he continued, “What about when you went to the orphanage, then passed around from foster home to foster home? No one wanted you, you were abandoned, rejected, worthless…”

“That’s–” his mind failed to come up with a retort. “Stop, please…”

“How about back at the Garrison, where you thought you could finally belong, all because of Shiro. But no one there liked you either. There’s just something wrong with you, why else would people hate you so much?”

Days at the garrison flashed through Keith’s mind, of him trying to make friends but spurned at every turn, jealousy and spite from his classmates turning him colder when he hears their whispers and condemnations.

“What about when Shiro left, because even though you supported him, even though you believed in him like nothing else, you’re still scared shitless that he won’t come back, because everyone who loves you leaves you in the end, that’s just how your life works?”

Keith’s eyes flashed. “Stop it!” he warned.

“And when you found out about Kerberos… the numbness you felt, because you were right, there was no way Shiro wasn’t gonna escape that fate. And the only person who ever cared about you was gone, and there was nothing you could do about it.”

Keith shuddered when he remembered how it felt. The crushing feeling of grief and loss.

“The anger you felt at the Garrison when they blamed Shiro for the mission failure.  _ Pilot error _ , and you just gained another phrase to hate. You lost control and injured Iverson, because if there’s one thing that can bring your barriers come crashing down it’s Shiro.”

Keith snarled at his doppelganger, backing him up against the wall and pinning him there with his arm.

“How lost you were without him, cast adrift until you felt the Blue Lion. How purposeless it was, endless empty days without him.”

He shook the doppelganger roughly. “Stop! That’s enough!”

He hated thinking of those days.

“That’s what you did to me! All your emotions, festering and bleeding!”

When he looked closer, he noticed that the doppelganger actually wasn’t unaffected. His grip loosened on the doppelganger and he backed away, giving him some space.

“You got him back but it was still there wasn’t it? All your fear and doubt.  _ Galra. _ You hate that you’re one of them, that your people hurt Shiro, that they hurt countless other people and you might turn out to be just like them. You can’t change that. Are you even human, you think?” 

The thing was, the doppelganger was right. He'd been stewing over this for some time. What his heritage meant, and if there was any part of him that was truly human at all. Was he even who he thought he was?

Shiro’s immediate acceptance had helped, but there was still part of him that felt like he had to grapple for his place in the universe again.

But if even one person believed in him, wasn’t it his job to prove himself worthy of that belief?

Shiro believed in him, and that was enough. 

Besides, the rest of the team were coming close to acceptance.

Each day was a fight, but he was a fighter. He could make it.

But first, he had to deal with his doppelganger. And when he really thought of it, there was only one thing the doppelganger would want, if he really was Keith.

Acceptance.

First though, he owed his doppelganger an apology.

“I’m sorry.”

“What?” The doppelganger squinted at him suspiciously.

“I’m sorry. I haven’t been very fair to you, have I? Not dealing with my emotions, it’s just been hurting me, hurting  _ us... _ All because I was too scared. I’m sorry,” Keith repeated sincerely.

There was a look of shock on his reflection’s face before it gave way to relief. “I forgive you.”

  


******

  


They weren’t allowed to watch this trial. The queen said something about him having to face this on his own.

Shiro thought he’d be glad to not have to watch Keith suffer on his own anymore but all it was doing was making him anxious.

“Everyone needs someone, Takashi,” he remembered his grandfather saying.

The first time he’d really seen Keith, all he’d thought was that Keith just needed someone in his corner and so he’d decided he would be that person for Keith, come hell or high water. And despite everything, Keith had become that person for him too. 

Keith had repaid his faith a thousand times over, in his opinion.

Within the course of the three trials, Shiro had seen a subtle change in the queen’s behaviour towards Keith.

At the beginning, there had been animosity behind her mask. After the first trial it had decreased some. She’d become curious about Keith. 

After the second trial though, she’d seemed sympathetic to Keith even. For this trial, she’d looked almost solemn as she welcomed Keith into the room.

If anyone could change her mind about the Galra, Keith could.

When Keith walked out of the room, Shiro was surprised to see that he didn’t look injured or shaken or otherwise negatively affected. 

In fact, he looked… at peace. Like he’d accepted something that had haunted him for longer than Shiro had known him.

“Are you alright?” Shiro asked.

Keith looked at him and something in his face cleared. “Yeah. Yeah, I think I will be.”

  


******

  


Keith’s thoughts on the trial were interrupted when he heard the queen clearing her throat. 

“You were told that there were three trials that you needed to pass. That was a lie. There were four.”

He froze, needing to stop himself from doing something stupid. “What? Why? What more do you want to do to me? What is the fourth trial then?”

“Patience. The first trial was a trial of strength. Despite the overwhelming odds against you, countless battles and opponents, risking life and limb, you persevered. You passed the test.

“The second trial was one of wisdom. You were faced with fears and hopes both, pushed and tempted, though it revealed who you truly are, and had you given in or refused to acknowledge it, you would have failed. But you passed that as well.

“The third trial, the one you faced just now was one of courage. Not many have the courage to face their own selves, to truly accept and forgive themselves. Accepting who are is what really fulfilled the test.”

“And the fourth trial? The one you hid from me?”

“You have no need to worry for you already passed the fourth trial,” the queen said solemnly.

“What?”

“The fourth trial was of the heart, and the moment you accepted the burden of the trials out of love for your friend, you had passed this trial.”

“So it’s over?”

“Yes. You have proven yourself, and proved us wrong as well. We would gladly accept you and your companions as allies. Perhaps we do have something to learn from the Galra.”

Shiro stepped up then. “As long as you acknowledge that, then we can work together, Your Excellency.”

She bowed to them, and they bowed back.

They watched her leave silently, but as soon as the door closed the team started whooping and congratulating Keith.

Allura still kept her distance but her looks were less frosty. 

Keith could only take so much of the celebrating, but he did thank them for their enthusiasm, watching as they left the room and smiling at some of the remarks he could hear.

Shiro was still by his side before they both made the unanimous decision of leaving the castle, just to escape for a little while.

They didn’t speak as they walked to the place the lions were gathered, sitting between Black and Red. The others were probably going to their rooms now, but Keith didn’t feel like joining them yet.

Right now, he was where he needed to be.

Even if he didn’t recognize these constellations, being with Shiro under the stars felt so familiar that he didn’t mind it.

Shiro finally broke the silence between them.

“You did it, Keith. I knew you could.”

“Yeah… but I couldn’t have done it without you.”

“You did this all by yourself, Keith. Watching you go through that alone, when it should’ve been  _ me– _ ”

Keith was troubled by the amount of blame Shiro was putting on himself. He touched Shiro’s shoulder, but he still wasn’t looking at Keith. 

“Hey, I’m glad it was me, ok?” 

It shocked Shiro enough that he’d turned around to face Keith. 

“It was my choice and I’d make that choice a thousand times over. And I wasn’t alone. You were there with me the entire time. Knowing that I have you to come back to is the best reason to come home.”

Shiro’s smile was shaky but genuine. “Home, huh?”

“Now that the Cetra have agreed to ally with us, we’re another step closer to the end.”

“Yeah…” Shiro pointed up at the stars. “And somewhere out there is Earth. After this is over, we can go home.”

_ Home… It doesn’t matter to me, Shiro. As long as I’m with you, I’m already home. _

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> hope you enjoyed this!!! hmu on [tumblr](http://lucifercaelestis.tumblr.com) or [twitter](https://twitter.com/LuciferCael) to scream about sheith anytime


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